Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Live like there is no end...

I love it when sky has the perfect combination of blue and orange!
It has been taking some time to write this post. I have been thinking about it for a few days.

On Sunday three of us were driving on the freeway to meet some friends for a picnic. On our way to the park, we faced a near collision. Out of nowhere a small car in front of us lost its control and started spinning 360°. I was in the back seat with my little roo and all I could do was to hold on to her car seat as tightly as possible. Thankfully... we dodged the bullet calmly and no one on the freeway was hurt.

It was scary.

The life flashed back in those split seconds.

At that time we quickly blushed off what happened so that we could enjoy our picnic...

Only when we sat down at our dinner table on the same night, I broke down.

The truth is that we have been pulled between the extreme of life and death in last six months. Suddenly losing our best friend Norm in such a tragedy then welcoming our little roo's birth a few months later.

I was 12 when my little brother passed away because of a car accident. Since then I have learned how to deal with the concept of life as a child and as a daughter. It has been nearly 20 years and I thought I knew better... but now that I myself became a mother, I am frightened to even imagine what my mother had to go through and is still going through today.

Sometimes the fragility of life brutally scares me because of the amount of love I feel for my little roo and knowing the pure fact that anything could happen to any of us at any given time.

What happened on the freeway was a chilling reminder of that...

That night my hubby and I talked about Norm, little roo, Norm's family, my parents... and us for a long time.

I have barely dealt and processed with what happened to Norm and there really isn't any "patch-it-all" solution to this and I would be foolish to be looking for one...

but I came out of the night reassuring myself that I need to be genuinely content with the idea of "everything happens for a reason" even when I go through a rough patch of life... It is difficult to feel that way when things are hard... but I have to believe in it.

I can never EVER fear life even though some of the knowledge we gain as we grow... leads us to a scary thought.

I don't want to be the one who looks back in life and regrets of things I hesitated... so I am going to live my life like there is no end.


... and thanks for reading.


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